Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by actual benvolio
Summary: well. it's pretty self explanatory. and weird. and there's actually a good summary inside! no lie! rated t for.. you know. messed upness. it may change later depending on how i write some of them.
1. Seamus Finnigan Doesn't Want My Cereal

**i got bored. so i googled the list of things not to do at hogwarts, flipped through and picked the ones i liked to write for. also i haven't slept in almost 24 hours.  
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**Super rad intro thingy:**

Okay, so. This is basically just me being bored and writing stuff for the things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts list. Megan is my character, and everyone else pretty much will be J.K. Rowling's. And there will be a LOT of OOCness. Like seriously. Oh, and it's seventh year. Technically. If the Trio and everyone else who skipped the seventh year went back after the Battle of Hogwarts. And Dumbledore is alive. And Oliver Wood is somewhat of a Quidditch legend with the students. Oh, and dear old Severus is the DADA teacher. Basically the same teacher lineup as HBP. Oh and Megan is a Hufflepuff because Hufflepuff doesn't get enough credit. And this may be a mix of book/movies. Whatever. It won't be any major book/movie differences. Megan is also a muggleborn. And Colin's back because really, what's the point of killing the adorable little kid with the camera?

**1. Seamus Finnigan is NOT after my lucky charms.**

"NO! Go awaaay! The Lucky Charms are MINE!" I screamed in the general direction of Seamus Finnigan. He rolled his eyes and continued talking to Dean Tomas, his best friend who he has a thing for. He could at least play along and let us Hufflepuffs have some fun.

Grinning, I muttered a spell under my breath. The box of Muggle cereal appeared on the Gryffindor table in front of Seamus. He grabbed the box, opened it and then winked at me before pouring some of the Lucky Charms into a bowl.

"Mrs. Sprout!" I shrieked to the Head of Hufflepuff. "Seamus stole my cereal!" Mrs. Sprout narrowed her eyes and flicked her wand. The cereal in question appeared back in front of me. I stuck my tongue out at him before slipping the box of cereal into my robes. Then I ran into the hallway screaming, "He's after me Lucky Charms!"

No one followed me. I ran out to the prefect's bathroom on the fifth floor and said, "Pine fresh!" to the statue guarding the entrance. I rushed in, glad the room was empty. Then I took the box of cereal out of my robe and sat it on the edge of the huge bathtub. "_Engorgio!"_ I pointed my wand at the half empty box. Cackling madly, I poured the huge box into the tub until it was nearly full.

"Now I just need some milk…" I muttered to myself. "_Accio milk!"_ a gallon jug of milk whisked into my hand.

"Tsk, Tsk. This just won't do!" I said before flicking my wand at the milk until I had enough jugs to fill the rest of the bathtub. I poured each of them in before laughing again and hiding in one of the toilet stalls. This should be good…

"_Accio camera!" _I hissed and grabbed my camera before it fell into the toilet. The final touch of my evil plan was to take a picture of whoever's face saw the 'bowl of cereal' first.

"What the-?" a slightly familiar voice said. I peered out of the crack in the door. Colin Creevey? Hm. I grinned evilly and snapped a picture of his confused face.

"What's this?" he asked.

I laughed. "Breakfast!"

"…For who?"

I thought for a moment before replying, "For us, of course!" I conjured us each a spoon and jumped into the tub of cereal to begin eating. Colin gave me the universal "what the hell?" look, shrugged, and joined me in the breakfast bath.

"So," he said in between bites of cereal, "Are we supposed to finish this whole thing?"

"Dunno. Do you think we'd be able to?"

"…Probably not. We could wait for someone else to come and take a picture of their face." Colin suggested.

Idea stealer! "I already did that though! Your face was _priceless, _by the way."

He threw a spoonful of Lucky Charms at me. "I wanna see!"

We didn't even make a dent in the cereal before we gave up and went back to our common rooms.

**yes. that was weird. if people seem to like this, i will continue flipping through the list of what i'm not allowed to do at hogwarts and write stuff for it. if you people don't like it, i'll still put it up 'cause i can. **


	2. Harry Woodn't Admit That I Won

**two things: one; i honestly don't know why part of this is in italics but i only have a limited time on the internet soo.. two: this is kinda lame. i know. but i was bored.**_**  
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_**2. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.**_

"_I've heard every single joke about Oliver Wood's name!" Harry Potter yelled across the Quidditch pitch. I flew up to meet him._

"_Pshh, whatever! I bet I know more!" I answered._

"_Prove. It." he challenged me, tossing the snitch up and catching it again without looking. _

"_Oliver Wood is Twist-ed."_

"_Heard it." Dang. _

"_Okay, so there was a brunette Ravenclaw and a blond Slytherin. The Ravenclaw said 'I'm going to cut all of her wood up.' So the blond said, 'What do you have against Oliver Wood!'" I tried._

"_Lame." Harry concluded while trying not to laugh. _

_I growled. "Fine. You come up with one."_

_Harry scoffed and said, "Why? You out of lame jokes?"_

"_Bah. I just want to see what lame Oliver Wood jokes you can come up with." Think, Megan, think!_

"_Oliver spider legs are made of Wood." Harry challenged._

"_That's _all you can come up with? You're the Boy Who Lived! More like the Boy With a Bad Sense of Humor. Wood you just spare my ears from these humor fails?" I half yelled. By this time, the rest of the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor Quidditch teams had joined us in the air to listen.

"No, I _Wood _not 'spare your ears'. You should listen more carefully to me. I _am _The Boy Who Lived, you know." he retorted.

"Have you seen your girlfriend lately? Oliver hair products smell like dragon dung. Wood you tell her for me?" I shot back.

"_Ohhh, _burn!" the crowd yelled in unison.

"Wood you tell your little boyfriend that he can't have my autograph, no matter how many times he asks?" Harry yelled back to me.

"My _boyfriend?_" I sputtered, "Since when have I had a boyfriend?"

Harry laughed and let the snitch go again. It flew around my head and back to him.

"Wood you just shut up?" I yelled back.

He shrugged. "Only if you Wood do me a favor."

"What Wood I have to do?"

"Go tell Colin that Oliver pictures she has of me are kinda creepy."

"Colin's not a girl!" I shrieked at Harry. Someone behind me laughed. Harry jerked his head at someone behind me. I whipped around. Colin was on the ground of the Quidditch pitch, looking up at us. I waved meekly.

"Well since I Wood not do a 'favor' for you, and you have no more excuses to cover up your fail, what are you going to do with your girlfriend and Oliver her brothers?" I grinned. Someone behind Harry made a face. I stuck my tongue out at them.

"Go Megan!" Colin shouted. I groaned inwardly. Even if Colin cheering me on was sweet, it wasn't helping my situation.

"What's all this?" Madam Hooch called up to us. "Practice time was over nearly an hour ago!"

Everyone in the air hung their heads and flew straight down to the pitch.

"Shoo!" She said, waving us off with her wands.

Halfway back to the school, Harry approached me. "So. I'm going to tell all of Gryffindor I won that. I really don't care what you tell the Hufflepuffs and Colin."

Hah. Loser. I _so _won that. He just Woodn't admit it.


	3. Coffee!

**i was drinking coffee while writing this. C: and i skipped around. bite me. and i am not (obviously) the amazingly talented j.k. rowling, and the real characters aren't mine. 'cept megan. she's my brainchild.  
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**46: I will not "borrow" the Triwizard cup from Harry to use for my coffee.**

"Hey Harry…" I trailed off.

"What?" he replied, sounding slightly irritated. We were waiting for Professor Sprout to start class, and everyone was really bored.

"Do you still have the Triwizard cup?"

"Um. I think so? Dumbledore told me to leave it in the trophy room. Why…?" he asked.

"Well I was wondering if I could borrow it." I stated matter of factly.

"Well sure… if you can sneak it out of the trophy case I guess." he answered after giving me a why-are-you-asking-me-this look.

"Yay!" I shouted and hugged him. If only he knew my evil plans for that cup…

He pulled me off of him and turned towards the door. Professor Sprout's voice was drawing nearer. Finally.

"Well hello there, students I've been supposed to be teaching for the past 30ish minutes I've been outside talking to Hagrid…." Professor Sprout announced. Bah! I was right! She DOES have a thing with Hagrid!

We spent the last fifteen minutes of class feeding the Venomous Tentacula in turns.

Professor Sprout all but shooed us away from the greenhouses when the class was over. At least it was the last class today. I hurried to the trophy room instead of straight to the common room. Which is where I should have gone, cause I _reeked. _Seriously. Ron dared me to stick my finger down the Venomous Tentacula's throat when we were done feeding it. And it puked on me. Plant puke is not a pretty sight (or smell), trust me. But anyway… I looked through the first case, which has the most recent trophies.

The two handled goblet-cup-thingy was sitting on the bottom shelf. "This is too easy…" I muttered. I flicked my wand at the glass case and it swung open soundlessly. Grinning evilly, I picked up the Triwizard cup.

I carefully stowed the heavy cup in my bag and hurried down to the Hufflepuff common room. Hannah waved me to me absent-mindedly as I passed her. I waved quickly and continued to my dormitory. I placed the cup on my bedside table next to my magic powered coffee maker. Yes, you heard me. A magically powered coffee maker. I pressed the button (I leave it ready to brew all the time)

After waiting patiently for about three minutes, the coffee maker dinged. I chuckled and poured enough coffee into the Triwizard cup to fill it almost all the way up. After smelling it, I conjured some sugar and pured a generous amount in.

My evil plans were almost complete. I took the coffee down to the common room and announced, "Hey Hannah! Look!"

She gasped and said, "You didn't _steal _that, did you, Megan!"

"Of course not," I scoffed, "I asked Harry first."

"Is he allowed to lend people the Triwizard cup?" she inquired.

"Psh, I don't know. It's technically his property, so why not?" I answered, heading to the common room's entrance. "Let's go show Colin."

She followed me cautiously to the seventh floor. My coffee was half gone by the time we reached the Fat Lady's portrait. She eyed us suspiciously while we waited for a Gryffindor to open the door. I tried not to drink all of my coffee while we waited.

A group of short little first years opened the door, their arms full of books.

"Here," I offered, holding the portrait open for them. When the last of them had left, I climbed through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor common room.

It was red. Like seriously. Al the decorations were mainly red.

"Colin Creevey!" I called to the small figure bent over a table, writing.

He looked up in shock and confusion. "How'd you get in here!"

I looked over at Hannah, who looked like she was committing a horrible crime by being here. "We waited for someone to leave, and we just slipped in."

I took a sip of coffee and offered the cup to Colin. He stared at it incredulously. "Where'd you get that, Megan…?"

"Harry said I could borrow it, so I got it from the trophy room." I said brightly. He face palmed.

"And you filled the Triwizard cup with- of all things- _coffee_?"

I nodded. "Well, I was going to wash it and put it back when I was done…"

He sighed heavily. "You're hopeless, Megan."

**oh, and if anyone has an idea or suggestion tell me!**


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